So we received our citizenship interview letter this weekend and it set off a slew of emotions and thoughts thru my mind from shock to disbelief to amazement to immense joy all in a matter of seconds. At first I could not believe the day was here where I was actually holding this letter and a million questions started racing thru my mind at once- is it for real?...is it really in writing...wow!! I must have read it 50 times over to make sure they had not made a mistake.... Its been 23 years since I came to this country(legally)...23 years....thats more than half my life. A thought that was in the back of my mind the day I sat down and buckled my seat belt on that zambia airways flight in 1986 to travel to an unknown land of opportunity. I didn't know it then, and am just barely getting the grasp of the events of the past 23 yrs and the moments leading up to this day. I always knew that the number 23 had a special magical way of following me in my journey of life.. If I had known then that it was gonna be 23 yrs later that I finally would belong to this country.. would I have stuck with this path in life or decided to give up and move on? After all.. there were many other places in the world that offered opportunity...but somehow my life's journey was meant to keep me on this path and experience all that I have been offered - good and bad.
After the initial set of flurry of emotions my mind started to wander as to what this letter really means to me..Is this it- Does this mean I finally belong to someplace, can I officially call it home( a feeling that I have possessed and felt for years but was never reciprocated the same way by the US immigration system..), can I finally vote for the first time in my life. This is more than just a passport, there are so many feelings attached to this letter.
Born in India, raised in Africa, always living under the fear of being kicked out from your foreign home country, moving to the US with hopes of a better education. As I moved thru the US education system a wave of knowledge flooded my mind on how to progress through the visa system- F1, to H1 to the ultimate ticket to freedom...THE GREEN CARD. So many tested times to reach the green card stage. Offers of home created green cards and marriage proposals (I am sure in jest..at least so I think)offered by friends and coworkers. But the hardest time was 2001, where all visa doors seemed to be closing in on us and looked like hope was running out...Was it time...the time for them to kick me out of this country, where do I go, what will I do, how will I adjust in a land unfamiliar to me.... But we survived one more curve in the road and continued on our Green card journey. I think my dream of the green card seemed so unachievable at times that this day is truly a dream come true!! BTW..on a funny note..I was shocked the day I learned the green card was actually not green!!
So where does one really belong to: is it where you they were born or where they were raised or where their parents reside? Is there any one good answer? What is that gives a person a sense of belonging? And I am not talking about ones heritage or culture, that is something that is ingrained in their upbringing and their value system. My heritage has never been a question in my mind throughout this whole process. That is something that was always very very clear in my mind but this sense of belonging always mystified me...
Life has a way of working things out and and with love, support, hope and most of all faith...anythings achievable. I am not sure I know the answers to all of the above questions or will ever know but I do know today....that I belong here...right here with my three angels. Angels that have been sent from above to love me for life and make my life complete and whole in a place that I can call home...Officially!!!
