Parenting...

As I sit down with my cup of chai this morning....the usual rituals of hurry up, get your jacket, the bus will be here any minute, did you brush your teeth, did you pick your jammies of the floor, finish your milk, put the plate in the sink, eat your vitamins please..hurry up the bus is nearly here...my hubby gives me the look of.."Are you possessed babe" and mind you this is a daily look! That gets me to start thinking of the big picture....but before I can think of the big picture I have to go backwards and realize I need a few more snaps of the past to carry me forward!

I have to be honest ..the first time I found out I was pregnant I was not only scared but not sure I even wanted to be there. But after a few weeks, when I thought I was gonna lose the baby I realized I wanted it more than anything in the world. The first time to feel that flutter, and the kick was a feeling that I still miss. I walked around every day feeling so special to be carrying this special thing inside of me. I felt like a baker hoping it would turn out just right as long as I didn't open the oven in the middle. After many trips to the ER with pre-term labor, I was able to keep the baking going 39 weeks. Out came this lil amazing being- I was so in awe and amazement on what we had baked together!
Needless to say the first few weeks were the hardest things I have had to endure with wow..they sleep so little, they poop so much, they cry so much, the projectile elements from both ends. Did everyone forget to mention this small minute minuscule detail to us. If they had mentioned these little facts maybe I would have slept a lil more(even thought a rib was nearly piercing my stomach- i would have thought how comfortable at least I am in bed), gone out to eat a lil more..just maybe I might have been a little better prepared. But then again is anyone really ready for the most daunting, challenging task? This little thing was amazing but a lot of hard work..I have to admit at one point as I mistakenly walked into a wall in the middle of the night feeling like a zombie from the Night of the living dead.....I was ready to take this precious little bundle back to the hospital and say this was not my kid- she is fair, and has eyes bluer than the carribean ocean waters. There must be some sort of mixup and they gave me the wrong cake..oops I mean baby! I am indian for god sakes- we have brown or black eyes where did these come from? But she was short and she was hairy..so we convinced ourselves she was our lil muffin. Six weeks later, and that first beautiful smile that I got..made it all worthwhile. Eevry week after that was a sense of enjoyment and pleasure like no other- the first words, the first laugh, teh first steps, the first hugs, the first tears. There were so many firsts..and still continue so... For many years after that, every time someone said .."guess what..I'm pregnant"- I heaved a sigh of relief...thanx god..its not me!
But then we decided to bake another cake...and we ended up with a blue eyed baby boy. But this time there was no questioning- we knew this lil bundle of joys was ours! By this time we knew the drill of eating, sleeping, crying,pooping, throwing up. We had become smarter and faster in our knee jerk movements on how to dodge incoming objects during diaper change times or projectile throw-up times....Sorry a little graphic but when you are a parent of a newbie..you would be amazed at the topics you can talk about to a total stranger.. Also the older sibling has such a feeling of joy and to see the love in her eyes every time she looked, held or kissed her lil bro was priceless.

Now I realize after 10 yrs since the first baking process started that the baking didn't stop there. It is an ongoing continuous process of decorating and icing and coming to the realization that there still several years before these cakes are ready for the bakery. I feel that if we raise two individuals that maybe are not the most talented or the smartest and don't go to the best Ivy league schools but are nice caring respectful human beings -I have succeeded as a parent. I feel in this world today its important to be a good person as it is so easy to lose oneself. I would like them to be self confident and know that they are capable of doing anything ...and I mean anything. They just need to believe in themselves and their capabilities. I want them to find their passion in life and follow it. If there is passion, everything else will fall into place. Their passion is what is gonna carry them thru the tough times when they think they just can't go on anymore. There is a calling for everyone...and we need to help that find that calling!

As a parent we hope and pray that we are steering our kids in the right direction by giving them a good set of values and beliefs. They are in our kitchen and it is up to us how we want to decorate them without compromising their true flavor in the process. We have to make sure our decorating complements each individual cake as every cake is different. If every cake looked and tasted the same..life would be so boring.
Every parent does the best they can do, with the information that they are given at that very moment. Some kids do grow up and blame their parents for what they did and did not do - how one sibling is loved more than than the other. But is that truly possible..is it? If one had to choose which leg they liked better - would they be able to choose. We need both our legs to walk, they are both just as precious..Sometimes as adults we forget what our parents must have gone thru to bring us up. The sleepless nights, the throw-ups, the tantrums, worried sick nights as the kid is lying sick- every parent has done their due diligence - so why does one assume that we are doing such a better job with our kids than our parents did. The parenting style has changed over the years and thats just a part of progression of the culture. We try to be friends to our kids whereas our parents were too busy to trying to achieve a better lifestyle for their kids.

I am who I am today because of my special parents. We don't and haven't always seen eye to eye. But then they are parents and I know they want the best for me...They have sacrificed a lot in life to make me what I am today. They have given me everything in life I have ever wanted. They have been my friends to the extent that they knew how. And over time I have come to realize that everything that I used to fight with them about growing up...they were right in their decision. I wish they had been selfish and kept me with them and not sent me to the US. When I think of what If's...my heart breaks and wonders what the solution is. Is their a viable solution? and if so what is it? I truly love them and cherish them with every shred of my heart!
I feel if I am half the parent to my kids that my mom and dad were to me...I will be the Head Chef in the best bakery in town!

Hmm...slice of cake sounds about good right now!!